What exactly is the type of Asian man who women naturally and unconsciously find to be irresistibly attractive and sexy?

Important to keep in mind before we dive in here is the distinction between universally attractive traits and narrowly attractive traits. Narrowly attractive traits appeal only to a small subset of women while universally attractive traits appeal to almost all women.

For instance, a couple of my narrowly attractive traits are being scholarly and well traveled. These two traits are not attractive to all women. Believe me, I know. Most narrowly attractive traits track stereotypical character types, such as the tortured artist or the dandy artist, the jock, the cowboy, the bodybuilder, tattooed men, long haired metal heads, the wild party animal, the dangerous bad boy with a criminal record, and even for some girls, the “Asian guy.”

What are examples of universally attractive traits? Let’s first distinguish between passionate attraction and companionate attraction, with the former referring to the sort of raw sexual energy that can lead to short-term sexual relations and the latter referring to the more stable attachment found in long-term mating and companionship.

In terms of companionate attraction, research in various branches of psychology, sociology, and evolutionary biology has highlighted several traits that human women universally value in long-term male mates. You can probably guess what they are as they match popular notions of male-female attraction.

Going by just one such list, they include economic capacity, high social status, being of an age older than hers, ambition and industriousness, dependability and stability, intelligence, compatibility, size and strength, good health, as well as displaying love and commitment.

But companionate attraction isn’t really the problem we want to solve, as many Asian men would naturally make wonderful husbands and fathers.

The real problem is how to attract beautiful women before they are looking to settle down with a stable, responsible husband or the proverbial nice guy. We want to learn how to trigger in our dating partners that passionate desire that makes them want to rip our clothes off and jump us.

Besides, it is always easier to move from the lover category into the provider than vice versa. Many of the companionate attraction traits overlap with those of passionate attraction, especially health, wealth, and status, as women tend, usually unconsciously, to perceive these as reliable indications of power, which is, as Kissinger famously remarked, “the greatest aphrodisiac.”

So what are the universally attractive traits that ignite passionate attraction in women? While power is certainly chief among them, it is far too broad and general to be of much use. Telling you to get in the best physical shape you can, make the most money possible, and climb to the highest social status attainable is slightly more specific advice, but probably things you already know would be good for you to do.

In any case, luring a woman in is one thing, but keeping her around for the long-term is something else entirely, and it would behoove you to develop in yourself as many of those long-term companionate attraction traits as you can, especially health, wealth, and status, so once you do snag your dream girl and you hit that turning point where you transition into a long-term relationship, you will be ready to take up your new role superbly. So I will take those as a given. Not all of us can have bodies like Brad Pitt, wealth like Bill Gates, and status like Barack Obama. And we don’t want to have to join the attraction arms race, competing with all the other men out there on these conventional factors. There will always be some other guy you will meet who is better looking than you, has more money than you, or has higher social status than you. So how do we circumvent the dating arms race?

At least five key character traits are universally attractive to women and result in passionate attraction in dating partners. These five key traits are especially important for the typical Asian man to cultivate in himself. They separate the special category of the empowered Asian man from the rest of the pack.

Empowered Asian Men are:

-Leaders. They have trained themselves to weigh the relevant factors, make snap decisions, and deal with the consequences. While they may have formal recognition through rank, status, or position, they do not rely on external recognition to inspire and lead others. They take into account the opinions and desires of others, but ultimately, they draw their own conclusions and waste no time in doing so.

-Assertive. They speak up for themselves and those under their leadership. They do not hide behind a false Asian modesty. Rather, they believe that others, including their seniors, want to hear their ideas. They also do not tolerate disrespect from others. They are aggressive and persistent in pursuit of their goals. In social settings, they are friendly and cordial but also dominant and commanding. They freely approach women they want to meet.

-Adventurous. Empowered Asian Men welcome risk and danger. They are unpredictable and have a love of spontaneous fun. They live life to the hilt and push experiences to the edge.

-Easygoing. By this I mean that they don’t take themselves too seriously. They readily laugh at themselves and are the first to chuckle at their own foibles. While they are able to discern when and how to be serious about grave topics and to appreciate the consequences of their actions and decisions, they still often see the humor in everyday situations, especially when they involve themselves and their egos.

-Sexual. These men have no sexual hang-ups and are comfortable with their views on sex and relationships. They are secure in their own self-image and with their bodies. And they are at ease in talking with women about sexual subjects.

So there you have it.

The Asian men who are irresistible to women all over the world—from America to Asia—all share these 5 traits. They are leaders, assertive, adventurous, easygoing, and sexual.

In the next posts, we’ll look in more detail at each of these traits.

Play on,
David

According to Western pop culture and media, Asian men are “computer geeks, math nerds, kung-fu masters, introverted, shy, passive,” and worst of all from a dating perspective, “effeminate or asexual.”

But these aren’t just the lies of the white man. Western women actually act as if these were true, as well.

In a recent study of online dating preferences, economists and psychologists from the University of Chicago and Duke University found that Asian men needed an additional $247,000 USD in annual income to be on a level playing field with other races in attracting white women.

Okay, so maybe it’s obvious that Asian men as a group don’t have an advantage in dating in the West, and are probably at a distinct disadvantage.

I don’t want to dwell on the negatives. Boo hoo. Poor you, Asian boy.

Well what the hell are you going to do about it?

For starters, quit whining. Face reality. And man up!

Over the long-term, we Asian men can overturn these stereotypes. But that will take some time.

What to do in the meantime?

1. Use the Contrast Principle.

It’s actually really great if women don’t expect you to be confident, charming, and charismatic… because when you are, you can make the Contrast Principle work for you.

I’ll come back to this in a later article.

2. Have your Universally Attractive Traits Overpower the negative stereotypes.

This is the strategy I’m going to explain in this article.

I first learned this principle from my old mentor, Sebastian Drake. Here’s a summary of what he taught me about this concept many years ago…

Everyone sizes up everyone they meet in a split second. While the most open-minded and enlightened people let their views of others evolve, all of us factor everything we see into our decision-making.

If you’re having problems with a negative stereotype about you, the problem is that stereotype is providing more information about you than any other source.

I have clients of all races. Have had clients from every continent, except Antarctica, and very many countries. And I’ve noticed something time and time again:

Students who succeed have positive characteristics that dominate your first impression of them.

Students who don’t are bland, which leaves people’s split second judges of them to chance.

Overpowerment:

A characteristic is said to “overpower” another when it gets factored before that characteristic. Traits that overpower get consideration first, and then other traits
are looked at.

Traits that overpower are traits that make you forget about the other characteristics of the person. The other traits become irrelevant in light of such a large, dominating trait.

Power.

Power is a classic overpowering trait. If you see a very powerful guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him is.
You see powerful men of all types. Even an ardent racist is going to respect Samuel L. Jackson.

Charisma.

Charisma is a classic overpowering trait. If you see a very charismatic guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him is. Even though he’s only 5′6, Tom Cruise absolutely glows.

Let me quote Sebastian back in 2007 when he flattered me greatly by writing about me as an example:
“In the last month, I’ve had a mix of very interesting clients. One was a gentleman who is truly insightful – he’s a world traveler, a scholar, enlightened and brilliant and charming. He’s got wild stories of his travels through North America and the Orient, and he talks with rapture about dangerous attempts of criminals to trying to rob or extort him. He laughs at the time that he got scammed twice in the same night, and laughs with a sense of dignity – he learned the lesson, and the anecdote was worth the few dollars. He’ll make more money, and if he doesn’t, money won’t be an issue. A renaissance man, if you will, who is knowledgeable about history and art but dresses in sharp, tailored high fashion.

“Oh yeah, and he’s a medium-built Chinese-Canadian guy that’s average height and with a so-so physique.”

“It’s the last thing you notice – when he’s on, he combines power and charm, and they overdominate his other characteristics. If you met him, you’d like him.”

(Back then, I liked all the positive parts, but the perfectionist competitor in me homed in on the “medium buil” and “so-so physique” parts, which made me determined to get my 6-pack and muscular physique. Thanks to a personal trainer and then to P90X, I finally achieved those in 2009.)

His point about overdomination was brilliant.

Specializing in coaching Asian men in many countries around the world, I constantly hear guys worry about their height, race, nationality, accent, age, and all sorts of other traits.

I’ll tell you when you’re in trouble – when the first thing someone notices about you is that you’re short, or that you’re young, or that you’re a particular race. That happens to people who have no characteristics more interesting than those traits.

If you get universally attractive traits that are overpowering, those other bland traits will still come into play but only secondarily.

For instance, looking like a successful businessman (think “Thomas Crown”) will get noticed before your ethnicity. Your race will still be factored, but people will first think of you in terms of the “successful businessman” stereotype (doesn’t care about the environment, really damn busy, resents poor people, is extremely good in bed) before you get stereotypes about your race.

And if you really put yourself together extremely well, eventually you come to stand for an idea and an ideal. Think Cornel West (google him if you don’t know who I’m talking about).

I had a client who was an extremely successful professional who, without a college degree, moved through various entrepreneurial endeavors and then worked his way up the chain in corporate until he’s now making piles of money.

He’s a short guy, with an unexceptional physique. His clothes aren’t extremely high end, either – he usually wears Levi’s. But he’s “got it” – characteristics that power.

Power.
 Leadership. 
Charm. 
“Gets shit done”.

These characteristics can be built over time. A great place to start is with my Essentials of Dating program, which teaches you the most important aspects of creating that attractive aura, making you come across naturally as a powerful, sexy man, even when all you’re doing is standing there.

Start developing some “power” about you.

If your first impression is excellent and unique, your “second impression” – the stuff you can’t change – becomes less important.

And when random people’s first impressions about you are that you’re extremely powerful, or extremely charming, completely stylish, or an amazing leader – then secondary characteristics about you won’t even matter.

Play on,
David